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I had to weigh the dog today and the only way I could think to do it was for me to stand on the scales and note my weight and then lift her up and see how much weight was added. Easy enough for a cat or a small dog, but Wolfie is a huge German Shepherd/Huskie hybrid and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to deadlift her. I could do it with a weight on a bar, but a living creature with claws and sharp teeth who might be reluctant to be carried -or at least confused- is another thing. It turned out OK. Wolfie is a mere 35kgs, which I am strong enough to lift easily. The bad news came upon weighing myself. Not the worst I’ve ever been, but the two months with little exercise and lots of biscuits has done me in. Hopefully it will be the spur for me to make some way back towards even minor fitness. Richard Herring has let himself go.
But when you pick up and hold a wolf on a scales, you realise that man was never meant to lift a wolf. Luckily this wolf is very patient and gentle, but you could tell that even she thought this was weird. It would have been perfect, of course, if I’d put my back out at this point. Attempting that one thing that is just slightly beyond my capabilities can’t be far away and having to be laid up for weeks because you’ve attempted to lift a huge dog so that you can weigh it for a flea collar is probably the perfect comedic way to go down. It was probably my last chance to lift a huge dog over my head. I should have given it a go. My days of lifting huge dogs even a little bit are almost over and I regret all the years where I had the strength to lift a huge dog, but never ever did so. You have to try everything once. Sadly most of the things are just weird or disappointing.
A monkey carrying a wolf? Our forebears would not believe their eyes. And yet here we are today, good friends. In this case a dog is my literal best friend. And we can go through potentially humiliating scenarios and come out still liking each other.
I had a fascinating chat with David Quantick for Book Club today about his fun sci-fi romp Ricky’s Hand. We worked together (though mainly separately) on On The Hour and he’s gone on to write films, hit sit-coms and several books and it’s almost certain you’ve laughed at many of his jokes over the years without knowing he wrote them. David worked with the late, great Stephen Wells back in those OTH days, a terrifying but lovely man who was unnecessarily friendly to Stew and me (in spite of him being a proper punk and us being fresh out of our posh University- he didn't seem to care about that). David is a calmer presence, but another good guy and I hope that his surprising and funny book will get the attention (and film deal) that it deserves. This chat should be out next week.
Another evening stone clear, where the sun shone, but the breeze was quite cool. It was still nice to get out there. You can hear from this (and the snooker) just how out of breath gentle activity makes me.
Listen here. And remember, however much you clear, new stones appear.
