For those of you who aren't familiar with the routine that possibly offended the sensibilities of the London Transport people, you can see it
on the go faster stripe site. And then buy a DVD with it on and ring up tfl and play it down the phone to them. It's already sold an impressive 270 copies. Impressive until you find out that Al Murray sold 40,000 copies of his DVD last week. But that's 270 in day and if you do the mathematics I think you will see that those figures are much closer than they appear. And given the choice between being me or Al Murray do you know which one I would choose?
It is Al Murray. He's got a beautiful wife, two lovely kids, billions of pounds, a successful career and a British Comedy Award. He pisses all over me.
But does he have a blog that he has written every day for five years, read by 270 people?
No, again, another tick for Al Murray.
But is he happy with all that stuff? Yes he is. It is me who is suicidally depressed. I really shouldn't have started this.
That's a joke. I am hardly unhappy at all. As long as I don't actually think about anything. And I am delighted to have sold so many DVDs so rapidly. But if you have 40,000 friends do let them know about the DVD and make a tragic old man's Christmas wish come true! If you really believe in the magic of Christmas it WILL happen! I can't wait til Christmas morning now, this is going to be the best Christmas ever. And if I have only sold 39,999 DVDs or less by then I
will throw myself off of Jacob's Tower (famous Cheddar Gorge landmark). Do you want that on your conscience? No, of course not. Get busy!
Tonight, I was back on TV- oh yeah, I'm back baby - performing LIVE to possibly as many as 2000 viewers on the BBC4 show "Late Edition". Yeah, in your face Al Murray. I had to talk about my hopes for the year 2008 and one of the things I ended up hoping for was that Jeremy Kyle would kill a child. I didn't quite go as far as suggesting the thing I had said about him in
that non-televised panel show in Edinburgh, but I could have done. It was live TV! And even better, no-one was really watching, so I would have got away with it! Next time!
Of course the experience reminded me a little of the old live TV show I used to do on Sunday mornings, which I realise with a start ended almost nine years ago now. Maybe it's time to stop sitting by the phone waiting for news of series 3. I really like doing live TV, mainly because it avoids the inconvenience of doing re-takes, and it doesn't really phase me at all. One of the other performers was talking to me about how nerve-wracking it is, knowing the thing is going out live, but it doesn't bother me at all. In fact I don't even think about it. This is a great way to cope with anything that is potentially frightening or depressing. I hope to get to a point soon where I don't think about anything ever, just eat and sleep and excrete by instinct and wander around in a total daze. I am certainly well on the way to that, but so far my record is about a week, before I suddenly snap back into consciousness.
I must try harder.
Buy my DVD, mo fos. Ruin Al Murray's Christmas!
