The people of Bristol must think I am a right soppy apeth. When I did Headmaster's Son at the Tobacco Factory, with my father in attendance, I broke down a little at the end as I praised him for the work he had done in educating the children of Cheddar and the difficult position I had put him in when he had been my headmaster.
Tonight in the denouement of "What Is Love, Anyway?" where I talked about about my mum playing a tape of Debussy's "Clair de Lune" to my 99 year old gran in an attempt to make a connection with her, my voice once again broke and became higher and less controllable. My family were in attendance, which was maybe part of it, but I think the main cause of this visceral reaction was that for the first time Clair de lune was playing as I talked about it.
I had been debating with myself for some time whether playing in the music would add to the poignancy of an already poignant section or whether it might be overkill and seem a bit cheesy, but the impact, at least on me, was quite astonishing. Music has the power to focus and magnify emotion, making things simultaneously seem both more real, but somehow also more ethereal and dream-like- this was certainly the case when the piece was originally played on Christmas Eve to my Grandma in her bed - and as it crackled into life in tonight's show it caught me off guard and resonated somewhere inside me and my voice wavered. Music can transport us back in time and maybe that was part of it, but obviously this piece was obviously written to tug at the heart strings and it did that effectively. But the emotions that I was trying to keep a lid on were also coming about because of the audience's reaction. I could sense their empathy and feel them being moved by the story and the music and by my own emotional response. Somehow the music made everyone catch their breath at the same time, and it's possible that I was reacting to this strange silence beneath the music. It was as if for a second we had all let our guard down and were all feeling the same thing and somehow that emotion was hanging in the air in palpable form. It felt slightly chilling and magical and it's awesome when theatre can do this to people, but in a comedy show it is almost bewildering and exciting. They were laughing 20 seconds before and now were in danger of crying. This might be my favourite bit of material that I have ever performed.
Whatever the case, for tonight at least, the music certainly made the piece more effective and somehow by coincidence it came to an end, just at the point where I declared love to my Grandma - which probably won't happen again. I just about held it together and I was trying with all my might to remain unaffected. Hopefully it won't hit me quite as hard in future shows. But I am not a cry baby, Bristol. I hardly ever cry usually, unless I am watching Love Actually, which once when I was in a bit of a depressive state made me cry so hard that I thought I might never be able to stop (but it was my life rather than the film that had prompted that I think).
It was the best preview yet, though worryingly I overran by 20 minutes (good news for the tour version, but got to get it down to an hour for Edinburgh). I am allowing myself, unusually, to feel excited about the prospects for this show. Reactions are very favourable. I don't know the meaning of the word humble or the word hubris.
I was sharing the bill with Chris McCausland who had some brilliant stuff and went down a storm. He's certainly
one of my Edinburgh recommends. I will be suggesting a few comics that you might want to catch over the next few weeks and he had some really lovely stuff. I think there's a whole raft of newer comics who will be breaking through this year. It's about time. We need new blood, not the same old farts coming up for 20 years.
If you live in Manchester I am doing "What is Love, Anyway?" at the Comedy Festival at the Frog and Bucket on October 18th. It always sells quickly
so worth booking now. I will be back in town with the show on the tour in the spring. The tour is taking shape and I will hopefully shortly be able to announce all the dates. It's a slightly smaller tour in (generally) slightly larger venues. And looks like it will include Liverpool, Belfast and Newcastle, which are the towns that I get most complaints about not visiting. But don't email and ask me if I am coming to your town. I will announce all dates and how you can book tickets as soon as they are all confirmed. You can of course
book for Edinburgh now .
