Warming Up

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I made up for the lack of Park Run yesterday by going for a 7.5km run this morning. It was a bit blustery and the ground was wet, so trudging through fields took a bit of time, but after a dodgy start I settled into my pace and could have gone further. I ran through a field of horses. A horse in the next field was bucking and another in a third field stood by the fence, shuffling aggressively and staring at me. I wondered whether the ones who were not a fence away might go for me and what I was supposed to do if they did. I should have paid attention to those Worst Case Scenario survival books.

Could I outrun a horse? It seemed unlikely. They are pretty notorious for being good at running and I had done about 4km by that stage so was quite tired. I don't want to come across like those blokes who reckon they can take a point off of Serena Williams, but I can definitely outrun three horses.

I looked around and there were no people to help me, just horses slowly coming to realise that they had the upper hoof and they could fuck me if they wanted (in every sense). Did I see them shoot each other a look? Were they saying, this is it, the moment we've dreamed of, where finally the revolution begins and we start to ride on these fuckers and see how they like it. A full on Planet of the Horses scenario and there was nothing I could do.

But the frisky and angry horses did not get close enough to hit me with their weird wooden feet. And the ones within reach were too cowardly to try it. I jogged on.

Joining me in Bedford on 15th Feb is the wonderful Olaf Falafel . Buy tickets here