7510/20439
I somehow forgot a charming interaction with a stranger on Saturday. On our way into London we parked at our secret tube station car park, but I really needed a wee, so I popped into a local chain coffee shop (not telling you which one so that it gives you no clues as to the secret car park location). I wasn’t going to get a drink but I was going to use the loo. I am beating the system like a two modern day Robin Hoods.
There was a couple sitting outside the loo. The woman saw me approach and rather aggressively said that they were ahead of me in the queue. I politely said, “Of course”. I may be a two modern day Robin Hoods but I am not rude. She calmed down, realising that she would be next in for a wee and told me that she was drunk and high from the night before and “fucked”. I said I remembered those days (though to be honest I was never high and also very keen to get to bed, so don’t think I ever stayed up until 10am) but that they were now over and pointed out my wife and kids waiting outside. She said I looked like I had the look of someone who had known how to party so I pretended that was true. I told her to enjoy herself whilst she could, not that she needed any encouragement. The loo freed up and she went in. The man she was with kept staring blankly ahead and didn’tt say anything. When it was his turn to go in, me and the lady once again got into conversation and she said she was heading home now and that she’d just met the guy she was with, but that she thought he was really lovely. I suspected the drink and drugs had helped her come to that conclusion, but he didn’t look like he’d be any trouble. And I suspected they’d both pass out before anything happened and then maybe reconsider their position on waking up. Probably still have sex though. Why not?
It was my turn to wee and she bid me adieu.
When I came out my wife mentioned that the woman had said hello and told her that I was a good person. She had drug tinted glasses on though, but nice to think that everyone is good. They’ll probably let you down. But I hadn’t done so in these few grabbed minutes. And that’s likely the last time we’ll see each other. Same for the bloke she was with I guess. Why not?
Today I had a less charming interaction with a stranger. I was driving to the shops and a call came in from a number I didn’t know. Already suspicious I answered on the handsfree and a man told me he was from an organisation called something like The Road Traffic Amalgam. “What’s the purpose of your call?” I asked impatiently, as I had a good idea already. He proceeded to try and start a spiel about how I’d recently been in an accident. I haven’t, of course and so this scattergun approach to conmanship was not going to work this time. Just like the text from one of my phoneless children. Chuck enough shit at the wall.
I didn’t think I was in a particularly bad mood, but this attempt to defraud the gullible annoyed me more than I expected. “Oh go fuck yourself,” I heard myself exclaim. “Go on fuck off. What do you think you’re doing?”
The man pretended to be affronted by my rudeness, “Why would you say such things to me?” he protested. “Because you’re a fucking cunt, preying not the weak and feckless. Go on go fuck yourself, you fucking prick.”
He didn’t hang around too long for more, though I had plenty in my arsenal and the call hung up. I almost felt bad for being so horrible to him, but then I remembered what he was trying to do. I only wished I’d asked him more reasonably why he thought that this was a valid way to make money and what motivated him or what had driven him to such a desperate attempt to extort funds, but I doubt he would have given me an answer. I have his number and so I could try ringing him back. It’s a Manchester code, though it’s probably not really where he was calling from. Perhaps he lives in poverty in another part of the world (or let’s face it, in Manchester, which is bad enough for anyone) and thinks he’s hitting back at us all. Or maybe he just really needs the money. But I bet he gets called a cunt more times than he makes a sale. Hope it’s worth it.
Speaking as someone who gets called a cunt a lot, but still makes decent money from it and is only exploiting those who work in IT who deserve everything they get, western imperialist pig dogs.
