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Saturday 27th August 2005

Last night’s Yoghurt show was the best of the run. The audience got everything right from the start and there was also a rather amusing moment at the start when some people who thought they were seeing Omid Djalili. Despite having had an announcement before the show that there were two people in with the wrong tickets and the fact that they had been given a programme for a different show, the couple still stayed for the first few seconds and even then the woman had to ask my operator if they were in the right show. I had some fun lightly mocking them as they left saying, “I know I am a little swarthy, but I don’t think I could ever be mistaken for Omid”. I was only about three quarters full, which is weird for the final Friday, but it seems that the middle week has now become the one when everyone comes up, doubtless all trying to avoid the crush and lack of tickets for the bank holiday weekend.
I had then played (and won- ha ha) a poker tournament into the early hours, even though I had an early start.
Today was always going to be a busy one. I had to be up at 9.45 to go down to the Pleasance to take part in a pilot game show called, “Banter” for Radio 4 (Broadcast next Tuesday at 11.30pm, I believe). It was hosted by my old mucker Andrew Collings and the other panelists were unusually all of my kind of generation (though I was the elder statesman in this case), Russell Howard, Lucy Porter and Will Smith. Having found other Radio 4 panel shows a bit smug and self-satisfied at times, it was a delight to be taking part in something that turned out to be relaxed and genuinely amusing. Everyone gave each other room to be witty and I think the four performers and host complimented each other rather nicely. My proudest moment was answering the question, “To be or not to be?” with the answer, “That’s the first and only question on the beekeepers exam. If you answer to bee, you’ve passed, but if you put “not to bee” you have to do a re-take.”
I was surprised we all managed to be funny at this time of the day, at the end of the Fringe, but I think we managed it. Though we recorded over an hour for a half hour slot, though I am guessing some of the stuff about Lucy Porter being spit roasted by Peter Andre and Peter Stringfellow might not make it in.
After yesterdayÂ’s lovely main show, tonightÂ’s was much harder work. I was rather tired, but the audience were much harder to please. ItÂ’s weird that when you speak to other acts you do find that each dayÂ’s audience mood seems to be repeated across all the shows. That is a spooky phenomenon. Is it to do with the weather or the day of the week or the news or what? I donÂ’t know, but it does seem to hold up. I think a scientist should spend a few years looking into this. Tonight, for me, and the other performers I spoke to, was the hardest of the run and people didnÂ’t seem to crack much of a smile at my early bankers. It picked up somewhat, but it was like wading through treacle at times. As usual with this kind of crowd they applauded wildly at the end, even though they hadnÂ’t been showing their appreciation too much through laughter!
Annoyingly I wasn’t quite sold out, with maybe two or three tickets going unsold – something I have never experienced on a bank holiday Saturday (well not for years any way). Again this was nothing personal, just part of the changing trends of the Fringe. I was thus worried that my extra “Just the Yoghurt” show would be sparsely attended again, but I had sales of about 35 an hour before the gig and by the time it came to curtain up that number had risen to over 60 – easily enough to have a good and interesting show. And it all went pretty well. I managed to stretch the thing out to about 59 minutes (thanks in part to the audience seeming to want to name every country in the world when I asked them where yoghurt had originated). After the disappointment of cancellation on Thursday it was very gratifying to do this strange show to so many people, all of whom stayed in for the duration, even if a few of the lads at the back were a bit too drunk to follow everything.
As the show ended I got the news that Chris Addison had gone on to win the Perrier Award exactly as many times as me, which made his arrogance in the entirely fictitious conversation of yesterday look a bit silly. It is a shame that he didnÂ’t win. I think he deserved it, but then again his career is looking as rosy as his boyish cheeks and at least this way he isnÂ’t culpable in the murder of African babies.

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