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Saturday 10th December 2005

Something I have noticed recently is that when I rub one of my eyes it makes a squeaking noise, but when I rub the other one there is no sound. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with my squeaking eye. Why does it squeak? Do I have eye cancer? Or is there a small mouse living in my eye which doesn't like being disturbed? There must be some explanation as surely my two eyes should be the same and do the same thing and either both squeak or both not squeak. I would plump for not squeaking would be the correct sound for an eye to make. Eyes are not renowned for squeaking. But what if I pluck out the squeaking eye (as it does offend me), only to later discover that it was the non-squeaking eye that was defective. Then I will be left with no eyes at all and possibly be forced to harvest the eyes of a couple of dozen minks, like some kind of insane J-Lo.
One solution might be to not rub my eyes and thus the squeaking and not squeaking will not be an issue. But when you have a squeaking eye it becomes impossible not to rub it and hear it squeak every now and again. Like you have to wobble a loose tooth or poke at a serious head wound.
It galls me because of course I had a squeaking bedroom door and fixed that and yet I seem to be able to do nothing about my squeaking eye. I am considering spraying some WD40 into it to see if that works, but what it eyes and doors do not operate under the same principles? Then I will be left looking stupid with an eye full of oil, or if I lose the eye, an eye full of mink eyes.
You can see it is certainly a big issue. If any doctors (or non qualified people who like guessing) know why one of my eyes squeaks (it's my left eye that squeaks) then do feel free to get in touch and confirm that I don't have eye cancer or a tiny eye mouse.

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