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We went out for a family breakfast. I liked the look of a cafe near to us, but my wife had seen one further up the hill that she was keen to try. I’d had a good look the day before and thought there wasn’t a good breakfast place up there and once we got to it, although it looked promising outside with signs promoting vegan and gluten-free food, suggesting it was going to have a good selection of food and pictures of nice looking dishes in the window, a look at the menu and the inside of the place suggested it might be limited. I was too tired to contemplate going back to the cafe I had fancied. We had to make the best of it and in the competition that is marriage, one mistake from either party is a win for the other. We went in.
The pictures proved to be pictures of food in general, as an advert for the fact that general food was served here. I’d been looking forward to a lovely breakfast that was nicer than the one I could cook myself, but this little cafe’s principal tool was the microwave, their waffles came in packets and they somehow contrived to make a bacon roll badly. There was a strange atmosphere in there. Although the cafe was tiny, we were the only diners and our table about three steps from the counter, the lady working the microwave actually put the counter top and loaded up our various drinks and dishes one by one, so we had to get up and bring them over ourselves. Which is fine up to a point - obviously that’s their policy - but as it was more effort to take down the counter than it was to walk to our table, it just seemed rude. The food was so bad that I couldn’t even play my marriage win. I had to laugh at the awful fayre we were largely failing to consume.
Then a sweaty man arrived and it became clear he was a member of staff and he got behind the counter, mopping his sweaty brow with his hand. I presumed that hand would then be making food. Lucky everything was in a packet.
I took two bites from my weirdly salty and grey bacon roll and then decided I’d be getting myself another breakfast somewhere else. I love our family. When we try to roll out the red carpet, we still mess things up. The vegan option would have been the vegetarian breakfast but with a tomato instead of an egg. I think it’s a bit rich to advertise vegan food if that’s what’s on offer.
The cafe presented itself as something it couldn’t really live up to, but then also failed at being just a regular greasy spoon where you could get a fry up and a cup of tea. But at least it wasn’t my choice. My wife has to live with this forever. It’s the only time in our ten year relationship that she has messed up, so I will be harking back to this a fair few times, don’t you worry.
I met my friend Selina for a coffee in the afternoon. She’d be in my play “Playing Hide and Seek With Jesus" in 1998. I mean, come on, it can’t be that long ago.
The numbers surprisingly bumped up a bit tonight, but the show didn’t sparkle like it has for the last two nights. I worked hard and felt I wasn’t getting much back. But was pleased I didn’t drop my head, as would have been easy, as tired as I was. And afterwards it was probably the longest queue for signings and photos I’ve had this Fringe - and everyone seemed to have loved it. It must have been an audience of Colins. Always worth remembering that audiences react in different ways. As hard as it is to do, you have to pretend it’s going well and not berate them.
We even managed to pop out to a party tonight. Luckily it was about 5 minutes walk from our flat. I was so tired, but glad I made the effort. I have scarcely socialised at all this year and it was fun to bump into a few old friends, whilst marvelling at how many unfamiliar faces there were too.
