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Straight back into
the stone clearing for the first official day back from holiday (and yes, I worked on two days of the holiday - and also did a stone clearing podcast) and I was out in swimming shorts that were a bit too big for me and were in danger of falling down and using a wallpaper scraper because I couldn’t find my archaeological trowel. Which sounds like the start of a Stone Clearing Sitcom. If only my stone clearing boss had turned up today to check on me. But the great thing about stone clearing is that you are your own boss. Any stone clearing sitcom that misrepresents that and puts in a boss for cheap laughs should be boycotted. Also I don’t approve of people trying to make comedy out of such a serious business.
I managed to keep myself busy with admin all day, though most of that was signing and sending off the limited edition programmes to the kind 51 people who donated over £2000 to get their names in print. Some years there have been a lot more donors (but that was back in the days when we never raised funds for podcasts, so I think a lot of people saw this as a way to pay back for the free entertainment) and I usually attempted to do the signing and posting during the Fringe (filling up post-boxes and possibly making postmen irate), so it was also nice to be getting this done within 72 hours of the initial delivery. I put in a few little extras too as a thank you to these generous patrons. I hope you will enjoy your presents, folks - there’s a nice unique item for everyone that you can probably eBay for more than you paid to charity. Hooray!
Aside from a handful of stragglers who haven’t yet sent me their address, I got everything signed, sealed and to the Post Office (I didn’t put them all in the post box) by 3pm. I did then have three extra ones to post, when addresses came in, and took them on my dog walk up the hill. There’s a post box by the church up there, but I didn’t realise how tiny it was til I tried to put in 3 A4 envelopes and more or less blocked the thing (and I had to bend them to get them in). I how I have not irked another local postman. I had to move last time I did that.
I took another of Phoebe’s birthday party bags out as a dog-poo bag today too. I don’t remember if I wrote about this last time I did it, but I am always very keen to recycle any bags I can and give them a second job, rather than just put them in the bin (someone will now email me to tell me that putting dogshit in them is somehow bad for the environment (I do have biodegradable dog poo bags usually, but surely it’s better to get a double use out of a regular plastic bag rather than throwing it away? Someone will now email me to tell me that it’s better to recycle the bags and that biodegradable bags actually still break down into tiny bits of plastic so are still just as bad - has anyone done a sketch about the kind of person who always dumps on other people’s attempts to do the right thing? Someone will now email me to tell me that they have).
Anyway there’s something rather lovely about encasing dog shit in a tiny party bag with pictures of balloons or confetti on it and I imagine it’s something of a treat for whoever it is who comes to empty those bins when they see something bright and jovial amongst the regular dog shit bags (and used freezer bags that I also try to reuse - no one recycles those fuckers surely? Email away cunt-face)
It makes me want to buy a whole pack of party bags and only use them as dog shit bags. Or at least market some dog shit bags that have a party vibe (and actually properly disintegrate to the satisfaction of even the most pedantic twat in the world). Come on Dragons. You’ll give me 50 grand for this, right?
Rachel Parris will be returning to RHLSTP at the Leicester Square Theatre on 4th November.
Book here.
And just had my first ticket reports for Edinburgh and I need to sell some tickets! There’s a month to go so plenty of time,
but buy here.
I remain confused by the way that RHLSTP sells so variably.
Also surprised that the amazing Canterbury line-up of Vic Reeves and Shaun Williamson isn’t selling faster!
