7033/19553
To celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday, my wife had booked us into a speed boat ride on the Thames. I'm hindsight this was a brave decision with two kids under 8, a dad who got sea-sick on a cruise ship and a very cowardly husband, but my 4 year old son was the only one to voice reservations beforehand. He didn't want to go on the boat. I didn't either, but when you're 54 you're not allowed to cry about stuff like that.
Ernie was OK once we were on and I didn't mind the first bit at all, as we took a leisurely ride up towards Tower Bridge, with a pretty funny guide pointing out some landmarks and London stories. The kids were having fun. Maybe it would be OK. Obviously we'd go a bit faster later, but it wouldn't be so bad.
It was pretty bad. The pilot (driver? Captain?) opened up and we were bouncing over the water, bumping down on it, veering from side to side, turning and the boat leaning into the water at speed. I was next to Ernie who was shouting “I don't like it. I don't like it,†over and over again. I was thinking that too. I have never been into this sort of thrill-seeking speed stuff and this felt more dangerous than a fairground ride as we were on an unpredictable river, which wouldn't be much fun to fly into at high speed.
I reassured Ernie, even though I was lying to him and myself and was actually quite relieved when it was obviously too much for him. A raised hand stopped the boat and we came down from 30 knots to a much slower pace. Phoebe was hating it too. I think everyone else was OK. I don't know how my father-in-law was coping with it when a cruise had been too much. I was glad to have a child on board that meant we would have to go at a reasonable pace from now on (luckily we'd got the speedboat to ourselves, I don't know what we'd have done if another family had been on and wanted to go fast). I would never have raised my hand to stop if it was just me, as much as I wanted to. I would have just sat back (or rather forward, clinging on to the rail with all my strength) and waited for the ordeal to end. For about the third time in seven years, having kids paid off.
It was very cold and Ernie was having a horrible time even once things had slowed down. He was quite well wrapped up, but it was a March day and we were on a river and it was drizzling a bit. This must have been his idea of Hell. He cheered up at the end when we'd stopped and the captain (?) asked if he wanted to sit in the seat by the steering wheel. He beamed and you'd think from the photos he'd had the time of his life. Straight after he was crying again as he hadn't had a chance to beep the horn like his sister. So it was a solid hour of crying from the boy all in, with that one ray of sunshine in the middle.
If you like feeling like you might die at any second, along with your kids, then this is the experience for you. It's not my cup of tea, but I should have known that ahead of time. My wife is keen to give the kids experiences, which is noble. But my daughter started up a special note book tonight and asked me how to spell “Never†and then wrote “Never go on a speed boat†in huge letters as a reminder for her to not make this mistake again.
It was great to go into London though and very easy and cheap on the train - will rail journey and a six zone travel card for just over £30 for all four of us (Ernie was free) and £6 to park at the station. We must go and have more experiences, but maybe ones more suitable for kids and cowards.
