7041/19561
It seems a struggle to remind ourselves that life is (sort of) back to normal, at least until us all not wearing masks fucks us up again or until Putin gets all horny about pressing buttons. Let's make the most of this fortnight guys.
We took the kids swimming for the first time in a while (outside of their lessons) and it was notable how far they have progressed and how comfortable they are in the water. As with most family activities there's an element of living Hell about it - it was a bit cold and really, really wet - but we larked about and had fun and this is what it's all about, right?
The last couple of years have, one way or another, really made me appreciate this kind of thing. One of my big problems with life is living in the moment, but I think we managed it today, even if a part of me was looking forward to not being in a pool of water.
We went out for lunch and then came home and watched films. I built a teepee that Phoebe had got for her birthday (over a month ago). I didn't do a great job, but we played in it nonetheless. Catie and me tag-teamed which was lucky because after 90 minutes of play I was ready to die. It's a lovely Hell.
I think I am going to curtail my experiments into trying to make my blind mind's eye see. It's given me a bit of headache and the swirling lights that I see when I close my eyes for 10 minutes, although surprising, make me feel a bit nauseous. Last night as I went to sleep I got a brief flash of a very vivid image of some pink cakes, but I was about to fall asleep so I don't know if that counts as a dream or success. It was a random image that I hadn't generated, though possibly I was thinking of the cakes the kids had eaten at the party.
Tonight as I closed my eyes to go to sleep I felt a bit freaked out and unsettled, as it's now difficult to just have shut eyes without trying to conjure something up. It felt like I was meddling in something that was best left alone - again just in that paranoid state of near sleep - and that I might break my brain if I continued. Or be unable to ever sleep again as I concentrated too hard on working what I could see. I went and watched TV for a bit and was fine on my return, so luckily didn't have to spend the rest of my life awake.
It's interesting to even make a little bit of progress towards having a working mind's eye, but ultimately I have lived nearly 55 years without one (unless I had one before and a submerged trauma robbed me of it) and I'd rather not feel sick and scared that I might lose my mind. If you want to take a trip into that dangerous hinterland (if you can't see stuff in your head) then the technique is just closing your eyes after maybe looking at a bright light or gently pressing your eye balls) and then describing out loud what you can see. You do it for 10 minutes a day and after 9 days you are supposed to get results. Or lose your mind.
I am suspicious of it as an idea, but as I say, I did get a few results, but only the kinds of things that generally happen to me as I am drifting off to sleep -those vivid pink cupcakes aside.
