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Liz Truss says she wants what I want. Frankly I am disgusted that our Prime Minister wants something that depraved. She should resign immediately.
I have to say though I can’t wait til the Tories are in power so they can get on with all all these things they want to do. Must be hard sitting on the sidelines for so long, watching nothing getting done.
The bad news is that I think I fancy Suella Braverman. Those damn sexy right wingers. It’s clearly about saying the worst thing possible and being in a position of power. I’ve gone right off Priti Patel now she’s on the back-benches. What is wrong with me? The best I can say is that the Tories want to fuck us, so it’s probably fair that we want to fuck them. I draw the line at Liz Truss though. I am not that sick. I know I said I wanted to have sex with a robot, but she’s made me reconsider. I have a feeling that her and Kwasi are aliens inside ill-fitting human suits (made of humans that they have hollowed out) - look at them and tell me I am wrong.
I guess I’m a homosecretary-sexual.
Only if they dream of deporting people fleeing war zones though.
I don’t know how evil they can go before I stop finding it sexy, but it looks like I’ll probably get a chance to find out. I still have a hankering for Servalan from Blake’s Seven and the Borg Queen, so that suggests I have a way to go. I don’t find right wing men sexy - that’s not why I grew that moustache and had one of my balls removed and anyone who says it is is lying - and they’re generally an unattractive bunch. Even Oswald Moseley who was handsome repels me. I guess it’s sexy when women are evil because they’re meant to be kind and nurturing. But feminism teaches us that such stereotypes are patronising and diminishing, so at least I know that being turned on by evil women means I am striking out against the patriarchy.
Let’s face it, most Tories look like they’ve come out of the anus of some weird space creature, so it should be taken as a major victory if any of them can ignite any kind of sexual desire. In hindsight the security at the event must be kicking themselves. They should have been suspicious when two young women who didn’t look like they’d emerged from a space creature’s anus wanted to come into the auditorium. I’d have had them ejected just for the crime of looking relatively normal. Even if they’d been shouting about hating immigrants to try and turn me on and confuse me, I’d still have been able to see through the ruse. Anyway I am not turned on by normal to attractive looking people being racist - they need to look like a sci-fi villain or have an evil smirk or resemble a cartoon character to get me going. Normal looking people being evil is no fun at all. They hadn’t even grown a weird moustache or put on a funny hat.
Who voted for this? Good question. A lot of people from the bottoms of space creatures. But surely space poop is more intelligent than any life on earth.
An electric RHLSTP with Sally Phillips, a brilliant actor, writer and person with whom I have a little history. It’s funny, awkward and rather life affirming.
Have a listen.
More amazing women coming up in the next couple of shows. Come and see me talk to Ria Lina at the Bedford pub in Balham at 3pm on Saturday and Victorian Coren-Mitchell and Anneka Rice at the Leicester Square Theatre next Monday (not many tickets left).
Confirmed lineups and ticket links here.
And Humphrey Ker will be one of the guests on the 17th October RHLSTP. You may have seen him in the Penny Dreadfuls or This is Wrexham, but he’s usually out in the USA now appearing in big TV shows, so he’ll be a very interesting guest. He knows Ryan Reynolds! More news on that show soon (I hope).
