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Seeing Father Christmas twice in two days (and three times in a week) might be overkill and also risks an intelligent child spotting that Father Christmas seems to morph into physically very different men each time. Luckily my kids are stupid and haven’t got a clue (well the little one anyway). We got up early, packed all our stuff back into the car (turns out we’d brought way too much for our two night stay) and headed with most of the family over to Wookey Hole to see Santa and then enjoy the rest of the attractions.
Now of course, I am a Cheddar Caves man and would not usually come to this clearly inferior destination, but I attended under protest. It’s been a long time since I have been to Wookey Hole and it was very different from my memories of it. I think I also had been influenced by their advertising, which makes it seem like a huge theme park with rides and paper making and dinosaurs and excitement. It does have these things, but is a little more quaint than the adverts make it appear.
Santa didn’t seem to recognise our kids, even though he saw them yesterday at the railway station.. I mean north pole. He had to ask their names and ages again and what they wanted - if he can’t remember that stuff 24 hours after being told, what chance do they have of getting what they want at Christmas. Mind you Ernie had suddenly decided he wanted a skate board, which we’d never heard about, so hopefully Santa can sort that out for him, because there’s no chance of us being able to source one. So lucky we arranged another visit.
Wookey Hole has some cheek opening a cave when Cheddar caves are so nearby, especially given Wookey Hole is so much more impressive. I had only remembered the opening cavern with the rock that looks like a witch if you use your imagination (better than the black cat at Cheddar caves which is just a fucking shadow which barely resembles a cat), but there’s loads of huge caverns in there. The formations are not as impressive as Cheddar, perhaps, but then in Cheddar you don’t get to walk over walkways high above fissures in the rock. Maybe visit both places so you can compare for yourself.
We went to see a 3D film, which promised to be about the witch of wookey hole, but turned out to be a Christmas one instead. Our seats jolted around and poked us as an elf failed to deliver Santa’s toys. The 3D glasses made me feel mildly nauseous. And then we played on the penny arcade with actual old fashioned pennies.
We were out of energy by lunchtime and so parted from the family and made our way home for Christmas number 2. My daughter is obsessed with the song
“All I Eat Is Pizza” so we listened to this for the 300th to 400th time this trip on the journey,
Now it will be stuck in your head too.
Stuff like this is the ultimate punishment for not wearing a condom.
How did they end up with cheese on their fingers? And why are they so proud of it? And why didn’t they learn from their hot dog and taco experience that it’s probably best to have a varied diet rather than just eat one thing?
It’s pretty funny the first few times. And then not funny at all for the next two hundred and then you enter hysteria and never stop laughing for the rest of your life. I am going to insist this song is the first dance at my daughter’s wedding.
