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Ernie wanted to buy a spooky hand thing that had a bag in the middle, so you could collect sweet on Halloween from Poundland. He'd bought a couple of little toys and some water balloons already and I said it was too early to buy Halloween stuff.
Ernie really wanted this thing that he'd literally just seen. He wanted more than anything in the world. I told him we might get it in the future, but not now, but what good is the future to a 7 year old? He knows as well as any of us that there might not be one.
Should I just let him buy the weird hand and make life easy for myself? Or did I have to be a good parent and stick to my guns and not spend one pound on some lump of plastic shit that he'd forget about as soon as he saw another lump of plastic shit that he'd never seen before but now couldn't live with?
I had done pretty well at curbing unnecessary spending in the previous shop and told him he'd had three things already (which he'd paid for with his own money - though I think he's stolen quite a lot of his own money from our coin bowl) and that he'd have to wait.
He lay on the floor and cried.
Ah yes, the lying on the floor in the shop trick. I was a master of this myself. Did it ever work for me? I don't know, but I did it so often that surely it must have done or why would I have done it again? Yet, then again, I am pretty sure my parents would never bend to such terrorist tactics? Not TK and Babs. Has lying on the floor kicking and screaming ever worked? No it hasn't. Yet generation after generation we try it, because when one domino falls, the whole wall will come down and kids will be able to have everything that they (don't really) want.
I was so tired today and stiff as hell from exercising all week and I'd not slept because I'd pulled a muscle in my arm at the gym and it hurt every time I moved. Also I really needed a wee. I did not need this shit. I had to get him moving and out of here fast, but apparently you're not allowed to punch children any more (not til Farage gets in which will be too late for me as my kids will be able to punch back by then), but somehow I got the protestor up to his feet and out the shop with minimal force and with a half promise that we might buy the hideous Halloween tat next time we were in.
So, the tactics don't work immediately, but it's a delayed reaction. It's a genius chess move. Kids are cleverer than you think. Terrorism works. You just have to pretend that the reason you're giving in to demands is because the kid has been good for the last hour or earned the reward. But without the atrocity you wouldn't even think of giving in.
We walked home and I managed to use the horrible loo in the park. Ernie wouldn't hold my hand after because there was no soap so I'd only washed my hands in water. Which given the disgusting things he does with his hands, I thought was a little bit rich. Also a minute ago he'd really wanted a horrible hand.
He'd forgotten about it entirely and I tried to have a man to man chat about the best way to get things you wanted. I said that screaming like a baby was not helpful. He then got very upset that I had compared him to a baby and refused to walk with me. "Your mum doesn't like you," he told me.
"She does, she loves me," I replied.
"No, your mum doesn't like you and your dad doesn't like you. Your sister doesn't like you and your brother doesn't like you. Your girlfriend doesn't like you."
"I don't have a girlfriend," I told him. What did he know?
"Yes, you do, - Mummy."
"Mummy loves me."
"No she doesn't. Nobody does."
"You love me though, right?'
"No, no one likes you."
Looks like I don't need to go on social media any more. I have everything I need at home. What the trolls really need to do to make an impact is make you fall in love with them first and then they can tell you that no one likes you and you're not funny and it will really hurt.
I'm 100% going to buy him that hand thing aren't I?
