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Like Jesus and his family there is no room in the inn for my lot this year. The manor everyone else is staying in has a lot of bedrooms, but not quite enough for us, so we're staying in an Air B n B about 5 miles away. Like I said, very much like the story of the Nativity.
There aren't any donkeys and sheep sharing the accommodation and no Pret a Manger for miles, but there are chickens outside and I was woken by a cock at 4.15am.
I managed to get back to sleep, my was woken by my son (who is a bit of a cock) at 6.15am and took him downstairs for breakfast. I tried to make myself a cup of tea, but in my bleary-eyed state I managed to knock the glass kettle against a cupboard which hung above the kettle base. Even though it wasn't a hard knock the glass shattered and broke. Great start to our stay. The lady who owns the place and lives next door was very nice about it when I told her. I did offer to pay.
There was more Air B n B drama when we rushed out the house with all the stuff we needed to last the day and make a huge fish pie for everyone tonight (or so we thought). When we got there I realised I'd left my phone behind. Uncharacteristic. If the house was burning down I'd make sure my phone was out nice and safe before going in to rescue my family. Even though I could easily carry my phone and at least one family member at the same time. I love my family, but come on, no one loves their family as much as their phone.
We'd carried in multiple bags on various trips and when I was back at the car checking my phone wasn't in there, Catie came out to say we'd left the bag with the fish in it behind. I was pretty sure I had brought everything because I am efficient. But then again I had left the love of my life behind.
Catie said she'd check by the coats where I thought I'd left the bag, but I realised I might as well go back to the Air B n B anyway. The car was some way from the house and we couldn't ring to confirm whether the bag was there or not. And I needed my phone. So I shot off for the ten minute journey.
There were more cars parked outside the Air B n B than usual and I often have trouble turning around our big car in a tight space (I'd nearly got it wedged between two walls last night) and I am not a big fan of reversing. I parked in a place where I thought I might be able to turn round, went inside and couldn't see the bag of fish, though I knew I'd taken it out of the fridge. Ha! Catie had somehow not seen it in the house and so I had won.
I tried to ring her to confirm she'd found it, but I couldn't get through. I then tried to turn the car around and realised the space was again too small or I was too bad a driver, so I tried to reverse it but the drive was really narrow. I managed to get it turned round eventually and was going to head back but wanted confirmation that the fish had been found.
I got through to Catie who said there was no fish, but then the signal went and I couldn't tell her where I thought it might be. I was so sure that the fish wasn't in my vicinity that I nearly drove home.
The lady whose kettle I'd broken, having clearly seen me flailing around, came down her driveway to ask me if everything was OK. I told her we'd lost a bag of fish and that I had no phone signal as if that explained the bizarre manoeuvres I'd done in the car. She must think she's ended up with a right bunch of idiots in her house.
She's right, but it's unusual to find out so quickly.
Even though I couldn't get through to Catie I thought I'd better check for the fish one more time, but there was no way I'd missed it in this tiny little flat.
I found it on the kitchen counter (I'd been sure I'd put it by the door). All was saved. Sadly it meant that this whole debacle was entirely my fault. And rather than being able to return and lord it over my foolish wife who couldn't even find a bag of fish in a mansion, I was returning as the fool who couldn't even find a bag of fish in a tiny flat.
Catie was very nice about it, which made things worse, because I wouldn't have been. At least I had my phone.
Catie spent all afternoon making four big fish pies. Some may think she's the hero of this story, but without me going back to pick up the fish that I'd left behind, there would be no fish pie. So think again.
