8466/21385
Look, I sent a few emails to Jeffrey Epstein begging to let me come and party on his island with young women, but please don't read anything into that. It was perfectly innocent and my enemies will misconstrue it deliberately because they are jealous of how cool and funny I am.
Also they said I couldn't come and pretended the island had just shut down, so I am essentially not guilty of anything and remain cool and funny. Seig Heil. My enemies will try and claim I said that in a Nazi way. Thank goodness for the many, many tragic men who will defend me whatever I do, because, I don't know... do they think I am going to share my money with them? Should be perfectly obvious that I don't share money with anyone, and that I won't stop until I have all the money. Even though that will make all money effectively worthless and they'll have to come up with some other system. I will still have all the money.
Which I earned myself and my dad never helped me with money from his emerald mine. Anyway all families have one of those.
This afternoon I managed to secure an interview with the man who everyone wants to talk to, former Duke of Pork, Randrew Andrew.
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor-Castle-Balmoral has had trouble coming up with a catchy name for himself, so I'd really like to see Randrew Andrew catch on.I It acknowledges his cheeky past, whilst giving himself the formality required for a former Royal.
I just wrote a theme song for him, which I don't think I have any use for, so here you go
His name is Randrew Andrew
He used to be all fine and Dandrew
As harmless as Andrew Pandrew
And as sweet as cotton Candrew
Then we found out about his modus operandrew
And his proclivity for getting underage handshandrews
And forcing kids to drink cherry brandrew....
He insists he was in TonyPandrew
Shopping for batteries in Tandrew
So why are his legs all bandrew?
And his trousers all Epstein Island sandrew?
It doesn't take Jessica Tandrew
To work out he's a rapey nonce.
I am 58 years old.
