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It hasn't felt weird not doing the play for the last three nights. In fact it already feels almost impossible that we did it at all. Was that real? Would I still remember it if they had called up and said we're doing another show tonight?
I've had so many dreams of being in plays that I haven't rehearsed and don't know what's meant to happen and now that (presumed) reality just feels like one of those.
I booked my train tickets for the Edinburgh Fringe, another thing that doesn't feel real right now, but is bouldering towards me. It was surprisingly cheap. Somehow it's only costing me £35 to go there (though the return journey is £75- I could have got it cheaper if I'd been happy to arrive home after 11pm)
I had a fairly full on evening of solo parenting (Catie was meant to be back from London by 5pm but got stuck on a train) - picking the kids up from school and then taking Phoebe to the first of two football training sessions tonight. We left her there and I went home with Ernie. Phoebe had the option to walk home on her own, but I hadn't talked it over with Catie. So I told Phoebe if I wasn't there waiting at the end she could make her own way home.
I texted Catie to ask what she thought and she said, go for it. Phoebe will be walking home from secondary school in September. This was good practice.
I got dinner ready for the time I assumed she'd be back, but when the Alexa counted down to zero she hadn't turned up. It was only a 5 minute walk. I went out to look for her a couple of times, but couldn't see her. I mean, if she hadn't turned up at all, I doubt I'd have written a blog today and certainly wouldn't have started writing about dreams and train tickets, so there shouldn't be too much jeopardy here.
I wasn't getting too panicked. The session might have overrun or she had got talking to some of the other girls. What if she'd got confused about whether she was waiting ot walking? Should I get Ernie and walk back to where the football was?
I know how worried you are right now, but the next time I went out to look for her, she was coming round the corner. It's a big moment in a kids' (and a parents') life to have this kind of shot at independence and I was annoyed that I'd mildly blown it by not trusting that she'd show up at the door.
She didn't seem to mind. She was proud to have done the walk on herself. It was a little taste of the years of fretting and fear that I have coming for me though. I thought when the kids were young that there'd never be a time when I was happy having them out of my sight (and I was pretty much right, even though now it does happen - I'm just not happy about it). The fear is worth than the reality. I was certainly heading into woods and the countryside without adult supervision way younger than her and walking to school across town from the age of 9.
But this is the start of something terrible (for me) and hopefully wonderful for her.
