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I cleared up a spillage on my desk today using Keir Starmer.
(if you don't understand this, you should be watching Newsround. Also why aren't you watching Newsround? It's the best thing I've ever done).
I didn't give Ernie my fake arm today, but he went back in with the fake hand. I wondered if that joke might have played out, but he was insistent. Again, apologies Ernie. You got all this from me.
It was a busy day for me as I tried to get ahead of the curve in case I am laid low by my procedure next week. I recorded two remote RHLSTPs for July. I was really hungry during the second one as it was lunchtime, but I think I managed to stay focused. Hardest job in the world.
Then there was Newsround to do, plus a dog to walk and meals to prepare and I had to take Phoebe to football. I am hoping my procedure does lay me low so I have an excuse to stay in bed for a fortnight. That was the best thing about losing a testicle and having chemo. Four weeks at least where I wasn't expected to do anything! Cancer is the best thing for winning at marriage.
I've been listening to Turi King's excellent "The Secrets of Our DNA" this week and will be interviewing her in July (if I am still alive). It is a fabulous book and covers the many aspects of where DNA research impacts on our lives, but there's loads of crossovers with my weird niche interests. She covers whether my history teacher Adrian Targett is really related to the 10,000 year old skellington of Cheddar Man, she also writes about the Romanovs and Adolf Hitler's genitals and the discovery of the body of Richard III.
The book is packed with stories and facts and gets quite technical too, so it's the perfect combo of headline stuff to draw you in and specific stuff to make your brain hurt.
My favourite fact that I wasn't aware of before is that Jeffrey Epstein had planned to have both his head and penis cryogenically frozen on his death. As Turi observes, that fact says pretty much all you want to know about the man.
It's pretty crazy to try and preserve your head, but at least that makes some sense as that's where your brain is and it's feasible that one day they might somehow be capable of connecting that up to some kind of lab grown body. But the penis?
If they're regrowing your body or giving you a robot one then they will probably be able to give you a penis (maybe a better one than you had before) but also I am not sure that attaching your frozen penis to whatever body you have in the future will really work. I appreciate the loyalty to the penis there, but I can't imagine Frankingsteining your old one on will really work. And it really does just sum the man up that that is his secondary priority. It's both braggy and delusional and insane at the same time. And imagine preserving your penis and not your balls/ball/ballsack.
The more I read about this guy the less I like him.
You also have to consider whether the people of the future will be pushing the boat out to bring Jeffrey Epstein back to life, even if they have the technology to do so. He must have been hoping that enough time would pass that people would have forgotten what he'd done and he could start again. But that seems unlikely.
Imagine the poor technicians at the cryogenic factory faced not only this moral dilemma but also then asked to handle and reattach the actual penis that had done so much harm. I hope that they would have some sense of humour about it and make two copies of Jeffrey, one with the head and one with the penis and the when Jeffrey's head wakes up he discovers that he is being fucked in the arse by a clone with his own penis. Whilst the head clone has no genitals at all. Then keep him alive forever whilst he is bummed by himself until the Sun dies. And maybe beyond if we can arrange for the Epstein bum machine arrangement to be blasted into space.
The danger is that he might enjoy this.
I can't find any news on whether they did preserve his head and penis after his unfortunate and non-suspicious suicide. I don't know if you lose the right to have your head and penis frozen if you die in prison. I can't imagine that hanging yourself (or having someone else do it for you) is the best way to preserve your brain (or penis- especially if you hang yourself using your penis- just me then?), but what do I know about it?
Though maybe they preserved his head and penis more efficiently by smuggling him out of the cell alive and replacing him with the the body he'd have been attached to had he gone into the freezer.
I can see where Epstein is coming from (I imagine that would be a joke made by the people manning the freezers at the lab) - I don't like the idea of my beautiful penis being lost forever just because the rest of me has died. But I sort of like all the other bits of me too and without the connecting bits that link up the penis and brain, your own severed penis is not something you really want to ever see.
