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One of the perils of very minor celebrity is that sometimes you get recognised by someone, but they don't know where from. Or assume it's from school or work. Today at the Eden Project we were waiting to go up the Rainforest Canopy Walkway (a vertiginous metal stairway to a platform at the top of the huge dome) there was a lady ensuring that the right number of people were on the stairs.
First she had to cope with my son asking why the T Rex amongst the bushes far below had no feathers -which she admitted wasn't her area, though she thought the ones in the theatre show had some feathers and then as we passed to go up she said, "Are you from Bristol?" I told her I was from Cheddar. She looked confused, "Did you use to work on the ferries with me?"
I am pretty sure I didn't, though a part of me wished that I had. It sounds like a fun job. But I was then in a fix. Do I just tell her that I didn't work on the ferries, when I could easily let her know where she might know me from or do I tell her she might have seen me on Taskmaster or whatever?
Neither option feels very satisfactory. It seems a bit rude not just to tell her who I am, but it also feels a bit arsey and arrogant to say, "No, I am a very minor celebrity who is occasionally on TV." Which might well then lead to a long conversation as to what they might have seen me on, with me listing things and them saying, "No."
I vacillate between the two options and it feels eggy both ways. Sometimes I just say I am a comedian and that is probably the best course of action, but still makes you sound like you're a bit up yourself and that you expected them to know (which I really do not- I am thankful that I am only recognised about twice a week max, unless I am at the Fringe, and one of those times a week is because I look like a man who used to work on the ferries).
Today, as the line had just started to move and it was our turn up the stairs I just said that I didn't work on the ferries and moved on. Rather shakily. Not because I was excited to have been recognised, but because I don't like heights and the staircase we were on was very high and only supported by wires and you could see the ground below through the rungs. Plus it was wobbly (though we'd just been on a rope bridge which was much more wobbly and messed with my delicate sense of balance, so this wasn't as bad).
I felt bad because she was a nice lady and she'd indulged my son and maybe I should just have said who I was so she wasn't left wondering.
At the top one of the dads knew who I was, calling me Rich to show that he was one of the cool kids and laughed about me working on the ferries. So that was my two recognitions of the week.
I wouldn't be very good on the ferries as just walking across the rope bridge had made me scream and turned my legs to jelly when I was back on solid ground.
I managed to cope with being on a platform high above the ground by mainly not looking at anything. My kids take after their mum and are brave in situations like this and throw themselves towards danger. So I had to pretend that this wasn't freaking me out (I failed to pretend). And I was proud of myself for doing it and felt fortunate that I wasn't one of the tourists on there when the thing inevitably snaps and plunges everyone to their death. You'd fall in front of the T Rex and probably only have time to wonder why it didn't have feathers before you expired.
This was my third time at the Eden Project and I enjoyed it the most this time. We all enjoyed the exhibition in the Core about invisible worlds (I thought it would be fun if the building was just empty and they claimed stuff was there).
My favourite thing was a huge structure on the ground floor that pumped out smoke rings at random - maybe stuff belching out smoke will be the theme of the holiday. The rings drifted for metres unless smashed apart by the waiting kids and looked other worldly. Why can't all artists create stuff that is as fun as this?
