8717/21636
It's a neat idea which involves your table and plates being projector screens and a tiny French chef
(maybe the little cook from Big Cook, Little Cook who hasn't been on TV for a while) who runs around the table and tells you the history of the tomato. It feels like that's aimed at families and kids, but the chef was pretty cheeky, swearing a bit (though bleeped), implying he'd been smoking something to come up with his ideas and making suggestive remarks to any people on romantic dates.
Hey look, he was only about two inches tall and I am sure he's had to cope with a lot in his life, plus he has to make full-sized meals for what he must consider giants. It's no wonder that he's lost his fucking mind.
It was a bit of fun though and actually the bit about tomatoes was pretty informative and everyone seemed on board to begin with.
All the food is preordered from similar set menus, which is a neat trick for a restaurant, as they know exactly how many people they are catering for and what they're having. We'd ordered the junior menu for the kids, but aside from the main course it was the same as the adult one and even with our two quite adventurous eaters, it was a bit too sophisticated and they didn't eat very much. Catie and me had lobster for main course and the kids got a very creamy chicken penne that they also didn't like. Ironically Phoebe liked our lobster better - the first time she'd ever had it.
Ernie had some too and claimed he had had lobster before when he was four or five. We couldn't remember this, but he said they'd given it to him at school for lunch. Even though he would have been at the same school as Phoebe who didn't remember this and it seemed unlikely that the primary school would blow it's budget on buying hundreds of lobsters to prepare and then feed to youngsters who were unlikely to enjoy it.
Ernie's lies are one of my favourite things about him and we fleshed out the scenario and discussed why they decided to keep this treat from Phoebe and me thinking I might have remembered Ernie coming home covered in butter and talking about eating a giant sea-monster. Hopefully they didn't open the lobsters up for the kids and they had to crack the shells themselves
It wasn't the kind of place where you'd get chicken dippers, but I can't imagine many 6 year olds would be tucking into Goat Cheese, Onion and Mushroom Quiche with Microgreens and Balsamic Drizzle.
Our 9 year old and 11 year old were not impressed, though did have a go.
Even as an adult, the food was aiming to be posh and exclusive but it was not that delicious and also quite a lot of it was luke-cold when it was supposed to be warm.
The stuff being projected was quite random and went off in different directions and some of the bits and jokes didn't seem aimed at kids. Ernie found the tiny chef a bit disturbing and one of the videos they played as we ate was of carrot, avocados, champagne bottles and meringues doing a weird dance, that I felt sure would haunt me in my dreams. Both Phoebe and I noticed that the as the carrots had legs part way up their bodies, you were left with the impression that they had weird stringy carrot willies.
We did bond over taking the mickey out of everything and enjoying Ernie's stories and we actually had a pretty fun evening full of laughter, but I was concerned that the kids would need some food after coming out for the most expensive meal they've ever had.
The pudding had a nice sense of danger as you had to put it together yourself and pipe some meringue which you then toasted with a little blow torch. Dare we let Ernie loose with that kind of weapon? We did, but when he threatened to set fire to the petit chef pratting around on his table cloth we took it away from him. A few petit chefs must die each year in this way. He's an annoying little prick and he smokes pot and swears and his food is cold, so he deserves everything he gets.
Overall though it was way too expensive for what it was (I noticed they added a £120 Room Charge, which is unusual for a restaurant and even if you decide that that's for paying for the light show, that's still £30 a person and you could see a decent show for that price.
So we had fun and it was great to have a trip into town (we also had to go to the Apple Store and Ernie passed the time by doing a class on how to make music on garage band and had his composition played in the store) and had a nice walk through central London, passing the fancy houses round Green Park (including the really fancy one where the King lives) and saw the Peruvian embassy which has a Paddington in the window.
But it's a non-recommend for the restaurant, unless you have a couple of really funny kids who will keep you entertained, but who also don't mind going home hungry.
