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As usual, total denial of something is the only way I can avoid it. No, not masks, but snacks. I have got through five days of no crisps, sweets, ice creams or cakes and aside from absent-mindedly eating two pieces of popcorn (which to be fair, wasn’t on my list anyway) I have kept this up. I allowed myself the weekly treat of breakfast pancakes this morning (again not really on the list, but they’re about 20% sugar) and considered that in the olden days that was how treats worked. I’d get a packet of Minstrels every Friday and eat them whilst watching Captain Caveman - and now that association is forever forged in my brain like I am Pavlov’s chocolatey dog, but with no chocolate on his paws cos Minstrels only melt in your mouth. I wonder how many Minstrels were destroyed by kids trying to prove that hypothesis wrong - not many I guess as they wouldn’t have wanted to waste their chocolate ration, but I did it at least once. Just as Shatterproof rulers never lasted more than a day as kids took the name as a challenge. They didn’t shatter, but you could break them if you bent them enough times. Ruler destroyed and manufacturer vindicated. They probably sold a hundred of those things to every child in the UK.
Before I disappear too far into the Peter Kay Well, my point it that 40 to 50 years ago treats were just that and now you feel like life is unfair if there aren’t five treats a day. And then are surprised that your tummy is getting bigger. I am not sure if either position is right or wrong. I suspect back in the 70s our parents were influenced by having lived through rationing and so subconsciously saw sweet things as a huge deal - and yes, they are definitely more satisfying if they are consistently denied you - but my generation resented the rule (as I’ve said many times, my dream as a kid was to get a whole bar of chocolate to myself that I didn’t have to share - might not be quite as worthy as Martin Luther King’s dream, but it’s proven a lot more easy to make come true and I have done it countless thousands of time, so who is best?) But maybe, and this sticks in my throat, our parents were right. By accident though. And just as much Pavlov in there.
Yes, perhaps treats need to be weekly or even daily and not hourly as they had been becoming for me, but so far I’m not really missing them. In fact quite a lot of times I wouldn’t have even noticed that I had eaten the treat. There’s nothing quite like picking up a bar of something and discovering it is just the empty wrapper and you have no memory of consuming what is inside. I put that down to elves personally as the only logical explanation.
So five days without all those things on my list is quite a triumph and I find that by denying myself completely I don’t even really miss them. It’s been 20 months more or less without chocolate, which would once have been unthinkable and now all I need to do is extinguish all pleasure from my life and I will finally be happy.
Though in truth all the stuff I am talking about has given me little actual pleasure and I am at the same levels of happiness without it. The elves aren’t happy though. I found one starved to death in the skirting board today.
I managed a 4km run today and we had a fun family walk in the woods where the kids collected an armful of fallen twigs and we took them home and lit the first real fire of autumn and watched Trolls World Tour. I was never sure having kids was worth it, but two more armfuls of free firewood per weekend will add up and save us tens of pounds over the next ten to fifteen years. So looks like I am a winner.
Latest newsletter is here - fabulous start to the Snooker kickstarter. I hope we can raise way more than the target in this one - all profits to a good cause.
