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I impulsively bought some Curlywurlies at the supermarket yesterday. Phoebe likes them, but I’d really got them for myself. I am off chocolate, obviously (though not very efficiently) but this is mainly toffee and is low calorie as it’s mainly gaps, so I convinced myself it was a diet treat.
As I tucked into one this afternoon though, I bit down on something hard. It was the crown of my tooth which has become dislodged by the toffee. What an absolutely pathetic thing to happen to a 55 year old man: fucking up his teeth with a Curly fucking Wurly. And what excellent timing too. It was about 2.45pm on the Friday before a bank holiday. Luckily I wasn’t in pain but I had a really big gap in my teeth - the tooth had been more crown than tooth. I rang my dentist, but they closed at 3 and the dentist had already gone home (but it’s 20 minutes drive away anyway). They gave me another number, but that went to ansaphone. I rang all the dentists in Hitchin. They were either closed or had no appointments until Tuesday. I guess that I am leaving a big hole in my teeth until then then and hoping for the best.
I don’t know how stuff like this consistently happens at the weekend - my teeth, like my boiler (which only broke down on freezing cold Fridays) are against me. I don’t know why I am surprised when my bollock has already tried to kill me. I guess I’m just a bad guy.
Luckily my mouth as two sides and I’ve been largely able to keep food away from the chasm, though my tongue keeps darting back to it regardless, seemingly unable to comprehend why there’s a bit hole there. I even finished off the Curlywurly because I have learned nothing (and don’t have any fillings to talk of on that side of my mouth) and I am a fucking idiot.
Episode 3 of Can I Have My Ball Back? Came out today and includes a cracking and terrifying chat with Bob Champion, who got testicular cancer in the last century and had to endure the rather horrific treatment they were just developing. Plus you find out about Dancing Megasperm!
Worth a listen.
If you have stories to share email cihmbb@gmail.com. Book Club will be back next week, but there will be more from CIHMBB soon.
