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A blistering RHLSTP tonight with the force of nature that is Bernie Clifton. What an extraordinary and lovely man he is. The show was reminiscent of Brian Blessed, though much gentler, as Bernie insisted on taking us through seemingly every detail of his life. Yet it was hypnotically fascinating and uproariously funny and my job was easy. Though I do quite enjoy the ones where the guest tells long stories and then I come in with a joke in between and I had a lot of fun with the fact that we were an hour in and still had 52 years of Bernie's career to cover.
We were part of the Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield, which is a wonderful celebration of podcasts and the show was on in the Playhouse, a theatre in the round on three levels, reminiscent of the Planet of the Apes, which seemed like it might not be the best space given we were full and we'd have to have our backs to people, but boy, there was an electric atmosphere and to get big laughs and cheers coming at you from all directions is a wonderful and discombobulating experience.
There had been some confusion over what our slot was. I'd been told we could do 90 minutes straight through or do two 45 minute halves with an interval. Usually I'd have had two guests but 45 minutes did not seem long enough, so I opted to do one and was confident that Bernie would have enough stories to fill the time (I was not wrong).
I though we were doing it in one sitting, but when I checked the website last week it said "Two hours including a 20 minute interval". Now I'd settled on one guest that actually suited me. It would make it easy to turn the show into a two parter and maybe the second half could go out as a book club. I got my management to ask for clarification though as this wasn't what we'd agreed, but said I was happy to go with the interval. Which was all agreed.
I checked the website a day or so later and it now said "Ninety minutes with no interval". Again I could cope with that, but it was the opposite of what we'd agreed, so again I got everyone to confirm there would be an interval. Bernie, as an 89 year old man, might appreciate a break in proceedings and I as a 57 year old man definitely would.
When we got to the venue, where things were busy as they had four or more shows in in the day, we chatted about the length of the show. The tech said there was nothing in after us, so we could go on as long as we wanted. Which would have been good to know as we could have had two guests after all (in hindsight, I am very glad we didn't though). I said we could turn the chairs round in the interval and everyone seemed cool with that. But there were lots of different people from the festival there.
As I sat in my dressing room, there was a TV showing a feed of the stage and I heard a couple of the theatre staff discussing the show. "He's going to turn the chairs around at some point." I had only heard it by chance and was in the middle of doing something else, so it might have gone unnoticed, but I thought, "That's a weird thing to say given we're turning the chairs around in the interval." So I checked with my tour manager by text and he seemed confident everyone knew there was an interval.
Ten minutes before the show he came to Bernie Clifton's dressing room (I can't tell you the things that happened in there) where I was chatting to Bernie and told me that the venue were not expecting an interval and that the bar would be closed and could we do the show all in one.
After all the effort I'd been through this week to confirm we were doing two parts and my loose plans to differentiate the two halves this was a bit of a surprise. But I checked with Bernie that he'd be OK with this and tried to quickly work out what I needed to change. It didn't really matter too much, but it was lucky that I had overheard that comment and extrapolated its meaning as otherwise I'd have gone to a break and no one would have been able to get a drink.
As it happened doing it in one 90-100 minute run was definitely the right thing for the night. Not only did it mean that Bernie was able to really settle into his stride and tell as many stories as possible, but it also created a narrative where I was conscious that we hadn't yet arrived at the point in his life where he got on TV and also that the audience for this relatively late-night Saturday show were going to need the loo. It was hard for anyone to sneak out without being seen, but also I was able to point out that Bernie was 89 and had sat there for an hour without needing the loo and he'd had a beer or two!
The recall and stamina and comedy timing of the great man was something to behold and the audience were rapt and though I finally brought proceedings to a hasty close (for the sake of everyone's bladders and babysitters) many people said they would have liked another couple of hours. There was no ostrich, but this prop comic couldn't resist bringing on a couple of items, though the trombone sadly remained unplayed.
We'll have to get Bernie on again to talk about his career from 1975 onwards.
What an inspiration he is and what a true comedian, who will go out if not with his boots on, then with biscuit tins on his feet. He gave me a Crackerjack pen (facsimile) and I felt very special and genuinely moved and excited by having such an item in my possession (though it's nothing like the genuine Jigsaw badge that Janet Ellis gave me - though I never had any sexual feelings for Bernie or his ostrich and anyone who says I did is lying). I felt a bit less special when he also gave a pen to everyone who bought his book (not only did he steal the show, he stole all my post-gig merch sales as he had a huge queue and I just had a few stragglers who felt sorry for me).
Just before the gig, this image had popped up on Facebook (probably not a coincidence as I’d been googling Bernie all week, but still a nice portent).
RHLSTP is (nearly) always fun and there are very few disasters (and the ones we've had have been entertaining in their own way), but occasionally there are episodes that are pure magic, where you feel the audience become one and the emotion and laughter fills the room. Stephen Fry and Brian Blessed certainly transcended a normal podcast to create absolute theatre and Bernie did the same. We were a decent double act. Though I said about as much as the ostrich.
